Jokes

Stupid Answers For Stupid Questions......

1. Someone calls u at 2:am in the night and
ask u "are u sleeping?"
Ans: no, l'm picking beans....

continue reading

APPLICATION FORM TO MARRY

Because I asked for a lady's hand in marriage, her father gave me this form to fill.
After reading the form, I told my prospective father- in-law that I wanna use the restroom. Immediately I got to the toilet, I just jumped through d window and ran out of the
compound.... IS IT BY FORCE TO MARRY!!??
Okay, pls read the form and tell me what you would have rather done if you were in my nice shoes..... Over to you pls.
APPLICATION FORM TO MARRY MY
DAUGHTER.
PLS FILL THE FORM IN YOUR OWN
HAND
WRITING
AND IN BLOCK CAPITAL LETTERS.
I ________ hereby apply to marry your
daughter
Miss __________. I am
_____ years old.
SECTION ONE continue reading

THIS IS HILARIOUS

THIS IS HILARIOUS ! ------------------------------ A women and her husband went to the hospital to deliver their baby. The doctor told them that there's a new machine that will transfer some of the pain to the husband.continue reading

Corruption During Weddings

The biggest example of corruption is a wedding ceremony where people will spray you and your spouse only 200 naira and still eat rice and chicken and drink which sums up to over N1500... The worse is they will wrap broom and packer for you as a Gift. So I've decided on my wedding day when my sweetheart and I will be dancing, people won't spray us directly, they will put the money on a tray for all eyes to see and at that point, you'll receive your food as follows: 

NO MONEY: Pure water and toothpick 

N200: White Rice without meat + pure water.

N500: White Rice + head of fish + coke 

N1000: Jollof Rice + Meat + a Malt

 N2000-N4000: Fried Rice + salad + chicken + a Malt 

N5000 and Above: Please Serve Yourself... No cheating!

Curious Questions 


Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible? Why is it called building when it is already built? If a book about failures sells, is it a success? If you are not supposed to drink and drive, then why do bars have parking lots? Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?....

BE care full what you say to kids some kids are smarter than 

you think 

Teacher fell asleep in class and a little naughty boy, Pintu, walked up to him, Little Pintu: “Teacher are you sleeping in class?” Teacher: “No I am not sleeping in class.” Little Pintu: “What were you doing sir ?” Teacher: “I was talking to God.” The next day the naughty boy fell asleep in class and the same teacher walks up to him… Teacher: “young man, you are sleeping in my class.” Little Pintu: “No not me sir, I am not sleeping.” Angry teacher: “What were you doing.??” Little Pintu: “I was talking to God.” Angry teacher: “What did He say??” Little Pintu: “God said He never spoke to you yesterday…”

Be careful What you Say to KIds ...

A boy goes with his mother in a taxi, In between taxi passes by a red light area. The boy asks his mother after looking at the call girls, Mom, who are they ? Mother replied: They are waiting for their husbands. Taxi driver: Why are you lying the kid ? He says, son they are prostitutes. They sleep and earn money! Child Asks: Then mom what happens to the kids these women give birth to? MOM : THEY BECOME TAXI DRIVERS

face your fears once and for all . lolx..

A guy was in love with a girl, but never had the guts to tell her. One night around midnight, he gathered some courage and sent her a text with these honest words. 

"Aven, I love you ,I want to date you. Please reply and tell me how you feel. "

A few seconds later he received a message alert on his phone. He was so scared and too tensed to open it that night so he decided not to check the message until the next morning when he's less tense and in better senses. So he went to sleep. When he woke the next day, he prayed seriously about the message for good news,went about doing his morning chores,brushed his teeth, ate his breakfast, took a bath, dressed himself up then climbed into bed and picked his phone to read the message on his phone.

This was the response he read : "Dear customer, you have insufficient balance to send this message. Please recharge your account and try again "

Don't You Dare

Serious you should stick together

Don't talk too much when purchasing

Peter goes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist "Hello, could you give me condom? I'm going to my girlfriend's place for dinner and I think I may be in with a chance!" The pharmacist gives him the condom and as peter was going out he returns and says,"Give me another condom because my girlfriend's sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and I think I might strike a luck there too." The pharmacist gives him a second condom and as Peter was leaving again he turns back
and says "Give me one more condom because my girlfriend's mum is still pretty cute and when she sees me she always makes eye contact and since she invited me for dinner I think she is expecting me to make a move. During dinner,peter sat with his girlfriend on d left, the sister on his right and the mum facing him. When the Dad walks in, Peter lowers his head and starts the dinner prayer."Dear Lord, bless this dinner and thank you for all u've given us". 10minutes after, peter was still praying "Thank you Lord for your kindness. ...." Ten minutes go by, and peter is still praying, keeping his head down, very close to d table. They all looked at each other surprised, and his girlfriend was even more surprised than others. She gets close to him and whispered, "I didn't know u r so religious."Peter with his head still on d table replies, "I never knew 

your dad was a pharmacist!

DOG IS ALMOST FRIGHTENED TO DEATH BY A SMALL CREATURE

WOMEN FOR YOU

we have waited forever for to see it now its going to take forever to read

SILLY COMPUTER STUDENT

JEALOUS HUSBAND

HUSBAND: My wife where are you? 
WIFE: At home love. 
HUSBAND: Are you sure? 
WIFE: Yes. 
HUSBAND: Turn on the blender. 
WIFE: (turns blender on) reeereeeereeeeHUSBAND: Ok my love goodbye. Another day 
HUSBAND: My wife where are you? 
WIFE: At home love HUSBAND: Are you sure?
WIFE: Yes 
HUSBAND: Turn on the blender WIFE: (turns blender on) reeereeeereeee 
HUSBAND: Ok my love goodbyeThe next day, the husband decides to go home without notice, and finds his son alone and he asked him son where is your mother?
SON: I don't know, she went out with the blender.

ANNOYING 8 YEAR OLD SON

father:son can you please go buy me a soft drink

son: coke or pepsi

father: coke

son: diet or regular?

father: regular

son: bottle or can?

father: bottle

son: 500ml or 1liter

father: damit!!!! just buy me water !!!

son: natural or mineral

father: mineral

son: hot or cold

father: I am gonna strick you with with a broom u idiot

son: stick or or soft broom

father:stop this you animal

son: cow or pig

father:get to hell out of here you bastard!!!

son: now or later

father: now!!!

son: so you are gonna throw me out

father: fuck you

son: tonight or now?

father:(faints)

son: are you dead or sleeping.

BAG OF MONEY

A boy found a bag of money and called an FM radio station saying... BOY: Hello, I found a lost bag with $700,000.00, an ID card and a master card belonging to one Mr Victor James, Plot 4 Park View Estate, Ikoyi.

PRESENTER: You are such an honest boy! So, I believe you want to return the bag?

BOY: No! I'm I crazy? For what? I just want to dedicate a song to him. Play me, "MY HELPER OOO...

PRAYING LION

A man saw a lion in the bush , he knelt down and closed his eyes  and started praying.when he opened his eyes he saw the lion in front of him praying too.what a shock!
He asked the lion are you a christian ?
The lion replied ...you idiot don't you pray before you eat